Scrapbooking-Challenged? Author Tracey Finck offers an easy, guilt-free alternative: write love letters to your child Do you have a box full of your child’s memorabilia tucked in a closet along with big plans and great intentions? Have you tried creating a scrapbook for your child but gotten discouraged by the immense investment in supplies and time the hobby requires? If so, you’re not alone. One Minnesota mom, who feels your pain, created a guilt-free solution for scrapbooking-challenged parents who long to leave a cherished family legacy for their children. Her solution: write “love letters.” In her book, Love Letters to a Child, Tracey Finck introduces a simple journaling method you can use to share memories and help your children feel cherished. The Tools Finck’s inexpensive, hassle-free method involves purchasing a scrapbook or notebook (even a cheapo spiral notebook will do) for each child who lives in your household. The notebook should be small enough to fit in your handbag or briefcase. As you and your child make memories together, jot thoughts and reflections into the notebook before you forget them. Tape related photos, ticket stubs, or other memorabilia into the notebook near the corresponding written entry. That’s it. There’s no fuss and no pressure to create the perfect layout. Just an ongoing log of shared memories you and your child will treasure for a lifetime. As Finck began journaling when she was pregnant with her first daughter, intending to record her memories of motherhood. “I bought a little 4 x 3-inch scrapbook. It took me ten years to fill it,” she says, laughing. As Finck began journaling, she remembered the words of Mother Teresa, who described herself as ‘a pencil in the hand of God.’ Deciding she wanted to be an instrument God could use to influence her children for good, Finck adopted Mother Teresa’s metaphor. Instead of writing about her children, she began writing to them, recording the highlights of their lives and offering words of encouragement. The inspiration for one journal entry came when her daughter Betsy was learning to drive. She and Betsy were sitting in the car in their driveway, reviewing the location of the emergency brake and turn signals. Betsy, then 15, who’d never before started the car, asked to drive the car into the garage. “I pictured her driving through the other end of the garage,” says Finck. But she gave her daughter the green light. “Betsy started the car, drove straight into the garage, and stopped far short of the wall. Beaming at me like the sun, she exclaimed, ‘Mommy, we’re home!’” Finck ran into the house and immediately jotted down the momentous occasion of “Betsy’s first time driving.” As her three children have grown, Finck has tried a variety of journaling techniques. “In the back of each child’s book, I put photos of just me and that child,” she says. So first you see me, pregnant, and then you see the child and me getting older together.” When Finck does business traveling, she scribbles notes to her kids on note cards and napkins or buys greeting cards and later tapes them in each child’s book. “It’s a way of letting my kids know I’m thinking of them even when I’m away from them,” she says. She also chronicles funny things her kids say, acts of kindness they commit, their favorite Bible verses, snippets of wisdom, flashbacks of particular periods in their lives, prayers they’ve prayed together, and answers to those prayers. The Rules Finck has three rules for journaling: Rule #1: Write only what is true and positive. Children often wonder, “Is there anything good about me?” Everything you write in your child’s book must affirm the child, she says. If it’s not positive, your child won’t read it. If it’s not true, your child won’t trust you. But positive comments mirror love back to your child. Rule #2: Renounce perfectionism. Don’t wait until you have time to do it “properly,” cautions Finck. Exhaustion, busyness, and chaos will crowd out your good intentions to create a masterpiece. But memory preserves only a select few thoughts. “If you don’t catch them on paper, they’re likely to disappear. The real choice is between doing it imperfectly now or not at all.” Finck recommends thinking of the journal as a work in progress—like life itself. Renouncing perfection includes letting go of the notion that the journal is a test of your creativity or your writing ability. Rather, it’s another way to tell your child, “I’m thinking happy thoughts about you and want you to know it.” In her book, Finck includes dozens of writing prompts for writers and non-writers alike. She urges parents who are daunted by the thought of writing weekly or even monthly to try journaling annually, on your child’s birthday or on another important day in your child’s life. Your entry can overview the year, list your child’s accomplishments, and chronicle his or her character growth. Parents who have multiple children can rotate journaling to each child by week or month, suggests Finck. “One week, you can be alert to every positive thing one of your children says or does and make it your top priority to find something to write in that child’s book. The following week, find something to write to your next child.” Grandparents, too, can create books as a legacy for their grandchildren. Some grandparents write about what life was like for them growing up so their grandchildren can better grasp history—and family history. One grandmother, who has three grandchildren, writes to her “middle” grandchild. The child has a brilliant older sibling and a younger sibling with severe medical challenges. “The children’s parents are overwhelmed with the two children who are demanding and needy,” says Finck. “The grandma created the book for the ‘forgotten’ middle child as a way of giving her some special attention and letting her know she is important.” It’s never too late to start a book for your child, notes Finck. One woman journaled to her grown daughter who felt worthless over a pending divorce. Her words of affirmation were like a healing salve to her daughter’s broken heart. Rule #3: Store journals within easy reach. Finck places her children’s journals in a basket next to her favorite chair so she can easily grab the basket and move it to another area of the house or to the car. “Because my books are handy, I can scribble thoughts, questions, or insights before I forget them,” she says. The Rewards Finck invites her children to read and write in their books any time. In fact, she recommends that parents allow their children to pick out their own journal, so they’ll feel more inclined to read it. Her daughter Britta, who’s 15, loves to read her book; sometimes she even leaves it on her mom’s desk so she’ll remember to write in it. “She likes to read what she was like as a little girl, especially about how artistic and spiritually-aware she was,” says Finck. “This helps her now, at 15, to figure out what’s unique and beautiful about herself.” Finck’s children use their books as “soul food.” The entries help them gain a better sense of their identity—both as a cherished member of their family and as a beloved child of God. Writing love letters to your child is like carrying around a camera, Finck concludes. “You’re always looking to capture something worth seeing.” Searching for moments to capture on paper makes you more attentive to your child’s goodness and beauty. And that, says Finck, is worth recording. ### Love Letters to a Child: A Resource for Parents and Grandparents by Tracey Finck, WinePressPublishing, 2006. Writer’s Bio: Laura Christianson (www.laurachristianson.com) is a freelance writer from Snohomish, Washington. > back